Chesterly Fellow Colonies

There are many different types of human beings; whether in looks, behaviors, or internal processes there are thousands of variations....but what I want to know is are we really sure all of them are human? Seriously? Because I for one have noticed one category that seems to differ far too much from the conventions of your average human. This group is what I like to call "The Creepos" and my friend's little brother likes to call "The Chesterly Fellows".*

Chesterly Fellows, or Creepos, are basically just those people (if they ARE people!) who have a certain aura about them that gives one the heeby-jeebies. They can be either goodlooking or badlooking--it's their demeanor, facial expressions, and "vibe" that determine the creepiness factor, not their outward appearance alone. I had one such person use the writing lab today.

He's come in before and makes me feel really ansty. Most of the time I love my job, but every once in a while I really regret that I have to be ALONE with any student who comes in and have a private tutoring meeting with them. This particular guy has NO idea how to use the writing lab and seems to have this idea in his head that these are the appropriate steps:

1. Walk into the lab unannounced.
2. Look at me in a very creepy way while I greet him.
3. Pull out his laptop and skoot as close to me as possible.
4. Tell me he doesn't know how to do his assignment.
5. Have me read through his paper, which is full of awkward and vulgar references.
6. Try to get me to tell him what the common theme is in a bunch of nude pictures he's supposed to analyze for an Art Essay. (Pictures of his own choosing, by the way.)
7. Generally not say much throughout the entire session, while never forgetting to laugh creepily after everything I say.
8. Not recognize when I'm concluding the tutoring session and sit there in creepy silence for a few minutes after we've finished.

Needless to say, I am very glad that's over, and that it's the end of the semester; hopefully he'll forget that the writing lab is here in his future English classes. Sigh.

I think there should be a special, separated living quarter for these Chesterly Fellows. (Maybe the mothership?) We would be free of their chill-inducing presence, and they would get to spend plenty of time in each other's company--completely oblivious to one another's creepy-ness. It would be a happy arrangement for all involved, I believe. They could just live in their own little Chesterly Fellow Colonies, which would be located somewhere near the Evil Baby Orphanage.

OH! Brain Crack is a-coming!! There could be a Chesterly Fellow Baby Orphanage so we could get them out of this creepy-ness as youngsters! That's a better plan than the colonies probably....but the colonies should be in place until we have the time-travelling tecnology to make this thing work. The colonies could also be helpful afterword for anyone who slips through the cracks of the system and isn't recruited to the CFBO while still young and impressionable.

*Though there is no precise definition of a chesterly fellow, here are some pictures that you can refer to in order to soak in the general concept:

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
inveigle (v): to entice or trick into doing or giving something