Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Chesterly Fellow Colonies

There are many different types of human beings; whether in looks, behaviors, or internal processes there are thousands of variations....but what I want to know is are we really sure all of them are human? Seriously? Because I for one have noticed one category that seems to differ far too much from the conventions of your average human. This group is what I like to call "The Creepos" and my friend's little brother likes to call "The Chesterly Fellows".*

Chesterly Fellows, or Creepos, are basically just those people (if they ARE people!) who have a certain aura about them that gives one the heeby-jeebies. They can be either goodlooking or badlooking--it's their demeanor, facial expressions, and "vibe" that determine the creepiness factor, not their outward appearance alone. I had one such person use the writing lab today.

He's come in before and makes me feel really ansty. Most of the time I love my job, but every once in a while I really regret that I have to be ALONE with any student who comes in and have a private tutoring meeting with them. This particular guy has NO idea how to use the writing lab and seems to have this idea in his head that these are the appropriate steps:

1. Walk into the lab unannounced.
2. Look at me in a very creepy way while I greet him.
3. Pull out his laptop and skoot as close to me as possible.
4. Tell me he doesn't know how to do his assignment.
5. Have me read through his paper, which is full of awkward and vulgar references.
6. Try to get me to tell him what the common theme is in a bunch of nude pictures he's supposed to analyze for an Art Essay. (Pictures of his own choosing, by the way.)
7. Generally not say much throughout the entire session, while never forgetting to laugh creepily after everything I say.
8. Not recognize when I'm concluding the tutoring session and sit there in creepy silence for a few minutes after we've finished.

Needless to say, I am very glad that's over, and that it's the end of the semester; hopefully he'll forget that the writing lab is here in his future English classes. Sigh.

I think there should be a special, separated living quarter for these Chesterly Fellows. (Maybe the mothership?) We would be free of their chill-inducing presence, and they would get to spend plenty of time in each other's company--completely oblivious to one another's creepy-ness. It would be a happy arrangement for all involved, I believe. They could just live in their own little Chesterly Fellow Colonies, which would be located somewhere near the Evil Baby Orphanage.

OH! Brain Crack is a-coming!! There could be a Chesterly Fellow Baby Orphanage so we could get them out of this creepy-ness as youngsters! That's a better plan than the colonies probably....but the colonies should be in place until we have the time-travelling tecnology to make this thing work. The colonies could also be helpful afterword for anyone who slips through the cracks of the system and isn't recruited to the CFBO while still young and impressionable.

*Though there is no precise definition of a chesterly fellow, here are some pictures that you can refer to in order to soak in the general concept:

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
inveigle (v): to entice or trick into doing or giving something


  1. OH my word I know several chesterly fellows...I stay as far away as possible.

    I think there are a few sub-catagories, too. The main ones being

    A. Chesterly fellows who have no idea they're chesterly fellows


    B. Chesterly fellows who enjoy being chesterly fellows.

    I know one of each...A is just awkward to be around. B absolutely gives me chills. UGH!

  2. "Chesterly fellows", lol. I like that term. The CFBO sounds like a good idea. We nerdfighters need to get on this time travel thing to make that and the EBO a reality ;-)

    I've known at least one of those types of guys at college. One used to live in the same dorm as me. He was an art student as well I think...and liked to mention he was a nude model. I think he got arrested one time for exposing himself =/

  3. Sending them to their own little EBO would be in violation of their rights.

    Or something.

    Let's do it!

  4. So know the type, Kiera! There is one who visits MY writing lab quite frequently too. I wouldn't say he makes me uncomfortable in a hitting on me sort of way, but more in that he starts making uncomfortable conversation while I help him with my paper. Throughout the course of our sessions, I've come to know the man's life story and way too many things I didn't need to know. He doesn't catch my signals to leave either. It's really awkward.