I’m not sure exactly what it is about you that makes you so irresistible, but I want you to know that it’s working. I am yours and yours alone, and you will have me for as long as you will stick around. I’m prepared to throw many other things aside for just a shot at you—I’ve driven miles to get you at your best, and I never want you to change. I like you for you and will never desert you for some “skinny” version of you, so please, never think for a single second that I want you to go down the path of low-fat-zero-calories-fat-free-whatever. As many songwriters have proclaimed, you’re beautiful just the way you are. You’re always there for me when I need you—I can’t even remember a time when you weren’t around; you’ve had a definite presence in my life since the time when I could barely chew. I love you and want to thank you for how good you’ve been to me in the past, no matter what color you are (white, yellow, some kind of… mixed race…) and no matter who else you’ve been with (Seniora Macaroni, Ms. Cracker, Mademoiselle de Salade, etc.). At the moment you are single, and I just wanted to make sure you knew I was interested.
Your adoring servant,
UNDER-APPRECIATED VOCABULARY WORD OF THE DAY:
imperium, n. 1. Absolute rule; supreme power. 2. A sphere of power or dominion; empire. (As in, “Cheese has attained quite the imperium in my stomach and heart.”)
COMMITTED-TO-MEMORY MOVIE QUOTE FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT:
“Do you like… cheese?” (She’s the Man)