Do I really have to respect ALL my elders?!

Hello loyal blog readers! It's been a disgustingly long time since I've blogged. I know when it's been too long since I've blogged by a few signs: 1. When my offline friends start reminding me persistently that I haven't posted anything new and are clamoring for another entry (special shout-out to Erica and Lisa who like to read my blog sometimes: Hey girls, sup yo?!), 2. When I haven't signed in to blogger for so long that I can't remember my username and password, and 3. When I feel super rusty EVEN AS I AM TYPING THIS.

Today's topic? Old people. (This is for you, Erica!)

In our society it is blatantly emphasized that we should revere old people and treat them with the utmost respect, seemingly just because they are, in fact, old. I guess this is because of the general assumption that their advanced years must have made them very wise and knowledgeable. Come to think of it, the only old people I've noticed who aren't given the automatic "Respect the Elderly Code of Conduct" treatment are those who are homeless drunks. Every other type of old person has free reign in the department of etiquette, decorum, and respect. What is not so often conceded is the fact that some of those old people, in their younger years, had to have been--quite frankly--complete idiots. My logic is as follows:

I see absolute morons around me somewhat frequently--in fact, I daresay on a daily basis. I'd be willing to bet that something like 30% of the people my age are idiots. And guess what: one day those idiots are going to be old, and some poor future generation is going to be forced to treat them as wise sages of infinite knowledge and ability, despite their continued immaturity and stupidity.

That's right--that idiot that just cut you off in traffic is going to be treated as if he were Confucius in a mere fifty years or so. And that teenager who just keyed someone's car in the parking lot for fun? Yep. The children of the future are going to be expected to look up to him as they would Atticus Finch or Mr. Miyagi, were they non-fictional. And that girl that just fervently prayed during her history test that she was right--that Benjamin Franklin was indeed the first president of the United States?! Well, she'll be seen as a regular Grandmother Willow as soon as she crosses over into senior citizen land.

I've known plenty of peers in my day who I simply can't imagine being revered by a later generation. Take for example the case of Dummy McIdiotpants* who attended high school with me: Dummy McIdiotpants thought he was all that and a bag of potato chips. Dummy McIdiotpants rarely, if ever, attended classes--and when he did, he was a massive disruption to everyone around him. Dummy McIdiotpants was evidently operating under the delusion that every time he said a swear word, made an inappropriate comment, refused to participate in class, talked back to the teacher, told a fart joke, or was sent to the principal's office/in-school suspension, he would be rewarded with a one hundred dollar bill. I say this because Dummy McIdiotpants did these things and more with so much fervor and persistence that it was almost as if he were being bribed to act out. And yet, someday I just know some child's parent is going to say, "Billy, you need to show respect to Mr. McIdiotpants. He's a very wise old man and has experienced many things in his life. You could learn a lot from him." Yeah. Like how to make meth in the comfort of your very own garage without getting caught!

Now, I'm not saying that all old people are idiots who don't deserve our respect. I'm not saying that AT ALL. I'm just saying we shouldn't completely rule out the possibility that someone much older than ourselves could be every bit as much of a screwball as Dummy McIdiotpants...or Dingbat Stupidsen, your delinquent next door neighbor. Likewise, lots of really great teenagers get short changed; they don't get nearly as much trust or credit as they deserve merely because they belong to a category of individuals seen as being out-of-hand and destructive. I've come to the conclusion that we should take each person we come into contact with as being exactly that: a person; a person who should be given respect, merit, and reverence based on his behavior, character, and action--not his age and the not-so-accurate stereotypes that accompany it.

*Names have been changed to protect the inescapably idiotic.

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
porphyrophobia (n): A persistent, abnormal, unwarranted fear of the color purple.

Random Movie Quote for Your Entertainment:
"How long have you been seventeen?"
"A while."
--Bella Swan and Edward Cullen in Twilight.

When No One Is Looking

Hey, hey, hey! :)

Once again--as usual when I sit down to blog--I do not have a planned out topic. Basically, I'm blogging because I was hanging out with my lovely group of friends last night and Erica (who I've mentioned before as my hot dog-selling buddy when we were kids) mentioned that she'd checked on my blog, hoping to find some entertainment, and was disappointed to see I hadn't posted anything new. SORRY, ERICA!

So here I am.

Today's topic is what I do when no one is looking!

Now, there are various types of people in the world: there are those who need people around them ALL THE TIME, there are those who prefer to be alone ALL THE TIME, and all sorts of people in between the two. I am a person who appreciates spending time with others, but still very much values her alone time. I honestly think I could go longer without seeing any other human beings than I could without having a moment to myself. (Not that I don't love having friends and stuff, I'm just saying I need sufficient time to myself to do with what I will.)

So, if you're a person that likes having people around all the time, allow me to give you some suggestions of things you can do in your alone time. Here's how I spend mine:

*Do something that is socially unacceptable.

• Crank up the most embarrassing music you own and blast it through your whole house. (For me this would probably be Miley Cyrus music, the first Britney Spears CD, or the Boy Band albums I still own, originally purchased when I was in 5th grade.) Dance around to it--be sure that the dance moves are tragically awkward and quite possibly unflattering. In fact, it's all the better if they ARE unflattering; NO ONE CAN SEE YOU!
• Talk to yourself in a fake accent. You can even make one up if you want.
  
• Dress up in something horrendous and put on some dreadful make up. Do your hair to match/clash.
• Sing along to a song that's WAAAAAAY out of your vocal range at the top of your lungs. (For guys, perhaps some Mariah Carey or Whitney Huston? For girls, Barry White anyone?)
• Watch T.V. shows that you would never watch were others present--spanish soap operas (if you don't speak spanish), children's tv (if you're not a child), and trashy reality shows all fall into this category.

*Do something relaxing/creative that requires quiet time.

• Read a book you've been wanting to read.
• Write something. (A story, a poem, a journal entry, whatever)
• Make something artsy--draw/paint whatever you're feeling like you used to when you were little and you didn't care what other people thought about your picture.
• Write a song whether or not you think you are musical. If it's bad, no one needs to hear it.
• Play a musical instrument.
  

I was planning on thinking of more things, but then I realized that pretty much everything I do when I'm alone falls into one of those two categories!

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
inculcate (v): to implant by repeated statement or admonition; teach persistently and earnestly. Random Song Lyric Quote for Your Entertainment:
"Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out."
~Avril Lavigne, Anything But Ordinary

That's right: I AM an expert.

Hey guys. I feel like it's been ages since I've posted a blog, and that's probably because it has been. Every time I try to sit down and blog I can't think of any good topics...sheesh. I could always tell you about my reactions to Half Blood Prince, but I've read SO many of those blogs lately and just about everything has been said that I would want to say.

But FEAR NOT! I have a plan: I asked my twitter followers (some of whom are also you loyal blog readers) for topics. RANDOM SIDENOTE: I love how everyone just uses twitter like it's some clingy, desperate friend who never has anything better to do than help them with stuff--this "stuff" can range from clothing choices to blog topics to movie recommendations and polls on "should I do THIS or THIS?". It's a funny ol' world we live in nowadays, innit?

Anyways, Beth (easavoy/bethsavoy) gave me a couple of good ideas, one of which I will use in this blog:



Thanks for reminding me about that, Beth! (And I mean for reminding me about the fact that I'm an "mp3 expert" at work, but I'm also happy about the new Demi Lovato album coming out! I like everything Disney channel related far too much for my own good. Yes, I know its target audience is pre-teens. Yes, I know it's really cheesy. Sue me.)

The phenomenon to which Beth is refering:

At my job (the one at the Credit Union) I am apparently the expert on music. I guess it's just because I bring my 80GB Video iPod to work every day. Today one of my co-workers (who is, ironically, the ACTUAL technology expert at the Credit Union...like...it's his job--he's the tech guy) randomly walked into my office, leaned against my desk and stated, "Hey Kiera. I have a question that I think you can answer since you're the mp3 expert."

"I'm the mp3 expert?" I asked, slightly surprised.

"Well yeah," he answered with a shoulder shrug while another co-worker nodded. As I let that sink in, I started anticipating the type of question he might ask; I was thinking he was going to ask me about making files into the proper format for iTunes or something. Instead he surprised me again with this: "Okay. So I've got this Hawaiin song on my computer that we're going to play at the Luau tonight--it sounds JUST like this one other song that's really popular right now. It's driving me crazy because I can't place it. I think you'll probably know it though. You need to come listen to it."

So I followed him into his office and he brought up the music file. It was on some Hawaiin-esque CD for white people to use when they pretend to be Hawaiin at Luaus. The song he played me was a rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" played on the ukulele. As it began I timidly asked, "Does it remind you of that one that's like, 'Well, you done done me in you bet I felt it...'?"

"YES!" He shouted joyfully, making me jump. "THAT'S THE SONG! WHAT SONG IS THAT? WHO SINGS IT?"

After marveling at the fact that he didn't know, I answered, "Oh it's Jason Mraz. 'I'm Yours.'"

"AHA!" he proclaimed while triumphantly pressing the pause button, "I KNEW you would know the answer. Thanks, Kiera."

It was at this point that I returned to my own office, laughing to myself, and did what any other normal person would in this situation--I inconspicuously tweeted from my cell phone at my desk. Tweet-worthy moments are the ones that I live for. Haha.

At another time I'll have to expound on other such instances, for there are many--I seem to be the expert on a wide variety of things at both my jobs because I'm alternately known as "the mp3 expert", "the YouTube expert", "the Twitter expert", "the movie expert", "the book expert", "the Harry Potter expert", and "the English expert", depending on what question someone needs answering. (RANDOM SIDENOTE 2: I just realized that "expert" is one of those words that looks like it's spelled wrong or sounds weird when you think about it too much/use it too many times in one sentence.)

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
heinous (adj.): outrageously evil.

Random TV Quote for Your Entertainment:
"George Michael, I'm going to be better about listening to what you're saying from now on; I'm not just going to hear what I want to hear, okay?"
"Okay, Dad...I love my cousin."
"I love you too, son."
--Michael Bluth in Season 3 of "Arrested Development"

My Great Dislike of Theme Parks

I'm going to Lagoon (an amusement park in Farmington, Utah) with my family on Friday.

I have a shocking announcement to make: I do not like amusement/theme parks (althoughI'm sure I'll make an exception for the Harry Potter one when it opens).

Now, you may be thinking, "WHAT?! KIERA, ARE YOU INSANE?! YOU DO NOT LIKE THEME PARKS???!!!1!11?" Which is a valid question; I mean, how could one NOT like a theme park? What with all the rides expertly designed to twist your stomach into a pretzel, melt your brain into a giant vat of migraine, and give you a serious case of whiplash; the continual awkward sightings of wonderful, tattoo-covered, sketchy and unattractive-looking couples making out passionately in front of you in line for those rides; the over-priced food that tastes like straight grease; the tightly-wound workers who tell you that basically, you are not allowed to do anything except breath quietly and blink while on the rides; the water rides in which you get covered in the same "water" that's been poured all over other people in the park throughout the day, mixing with their sweat and possibly saliva, dripping back out of their filthy hair and the creases of their pants and their shoes; the bathrooms that seem to repel all forms of cleaner and are full of unflushed toilets... Honestly, when you consider all of these amazing benefits of a day in a theme park, it just makes you antsy to get to one doesn't it?

Hmm...that's strange: it sort of seems like everything I just mentioned is actually stuff that sucks about theme parks...interesting.

Seriously, I can list the things I like about going to amusement parks (in this case, Lagoon) on one hand:

1. Dippin' Dots, the most amazing ice cream-like dish in the world.


2. The Rocket, one of the few rides I can enjoy without feeling dag-nasty afterwards.


3. The cheesy Broadway entertainment.

4. How hilariously unrealistic the ride"Dracula's Castle" is and the fact that it used to scare me as a child. Lagoon's website describes this ride as, "a classic dark ride, carrying guests through darkened hallways, with apparitions and suprises around every corner." Mwahahahahaha. These apparitions look like paper mache and have been there since the dawn of time.

5. People watching. If you ever think your family is the only weird one in the world, you have only to go to an amusement park or county/state fair.

There you go. So needless to say, I am not super thrilled for Friday...I'd even go as far as to say I'd rather just go to work as usual and GET PAID to do something that I don't exactly find enthralling. Oh well, it's life I guess...plus the weird people that I sometimes suspect aren't people at all will make it an interesting day, to be sure. And I'll get to eat Dippin' Dots, which are worth all amounts of suffering.

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
globule (n.): a tiny drop of liquid.

Random Movie Quote for Your Entertainment:
"Maria was married on Saturday. In all important preparations of mind she was complete, being prepared for matrimony by a hatred of home, by the misery of disappointed affection, and contempt of the man she was to marry. The bride was elegantly dressed and the two bridesmaids were duly inferior. Her mother stood with salts, expecting to be agitated, and her aunt tried to cry. Marriage is indeed a maneuvering business."
--Fanny Price in "Mansfield Park"

Random Collection of Thoughts

Hey there, blog readers. Today's entry is--once again!--highly unplanned. To tell you the truth I'm mostly just writing it so that you guys will see my sweet new blog layout! I changed it for Summer, and I basically think it looks like happiness personified...blogified?...whatever.

In order for this to be a blog I suppose I must say some things now besides just that I admire my own blog layout, so here is a random collection of thoughts for the day:

• I work both of my jobs on Mondays with one hour in between the two to quickly down a no-name brand SlimFast and run any necessary errands; today that one hour was very promising: I checked the mail to find an adorable package from EMILY! (aka Mango/Wednesday/emlove143) It was a really cute assortment of summer things (bubbles, frisbees, etc.) and a sweet note. <3>
• And speaking of unpredictable--haha--I impulsively purchased some super exciting bright shades of nail polish today which will probably make me feel adventurous when I wear them, even if I'm just sitting at home reading a book.
• And speaking of reading, I'm currently reading the second volume of Octavian Nothing which is taking me ages to get through but is a really good book. Historical fiction is enjoyable AND educational! Woohoo! It's really got me thinking about how far Civil Rights have come today and how badly it would suck to be a slave. I've come to appreciate freedom to a greater extent than before through reading this book; it's a gift just to be able to get to choose your own work and get paid for it...and yet we constantly find ourselves complaining about our jobs...silly spoiled modern day people! (including me.)
  
• And speaking of silly modern day people, have you ever noticed how hilarious make-up tutorials are on YouTube? The girls who do them crack me up with their little mousy voices and technical terms that go on for what seems like forever, but is actually only about eight minutes. I don't mean to be rude to them--I'm sure they are very nice people and their videos are frequently put to good use by their viewers--but the video format that they all seem to prefer just cracks me up. Just once I want to see a girl make one that's only a couple minutes long and has a script like this: "Okay guys, so what you're going to do is grab one of these doo-hickies with the thing on the end, cover it in some of this crap, and stick it on your eyeball. [jump cut] Now put some of this gunk over it like this. [jump cut] Ta-da! Now you look like a rockstar! The end!" That would be awesome. Maybe I should make a faux-tutorial video like that for entertainment purposes...hmmm...*muses over the possibilities*

So there's your daily dose of random! YAY!

Also, question for the comments (which I have a legitimate reason for asking): What is the worst movie you've ever seen?

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day: (I swear I'm not making this word up)
frabjous (adj): splendid; fine. (And as an added tidbit of fun fact, this word was coined by Lewis Carroll. Yay! He's so frabjous...)

Random Movie (...er...TV) Quote for Your Entertainment:
"It's not a bad thing to want a real life, Will! And to have a glue gun that WORKS!!!"
--Terri Shewster in Glee

Woah...a blog post??!

...seriously...what is this...like...APRIL?!

No, stupid. It's June. Duh. Has been for ten days. Sheesh. Why do you as such dumb questions?

Okay. I'm sorry, dear blog reader. You aren't stupid. You're really smart. But whoever the hypothetical question asker is must be pretty dumb, okay?!

Wow. This is a really weird blog already--can't wait to see what else is in store! (Even I don't know because I don't have anything planned; I just desperately felt like posting again since I haven't for the past month and a half.)

I've spent a little of my free time the past couple of days catching up on my favorite blogs (Maureen Johnson, hayleyghoover, and italktosnakes), and it's apparently lit the flame of blog writing again in my dear heart. I've kind of missed putting my thoughts down for random internet users to peruse, which sounds like it could be some weird mental disorder, but feels quite normal when it's actually happening to you. Sooooo, what to write about?

Love life? No such thing...hmmm

Scholarly pursuits? Nope.

My job? Not really...well...okay...sort of.

So, life at the writing lab lately...my friend Katie recently got hired as a tutor at my Writing Center, so we've been having a lot of fun on Tuesday nights when we work one overlapping hour (the golden hour from 6:30-7:30). Thus far we've spent said time showing each other entertaining things on the internet, having both philosophical and trivial conversations about books and our shared acquaintances, and suffering through a really bad student paper submitted to us online which may or may not have included a source by the name of--I kid you not!--Winkeljohn. How can I take a research paper seriously that keeps quoting Winkeljohn?!

So anyway, moving back to the subject at hand, the other day Katie and I were discussing our high school English classes and I made mention of a certain short story I wrote in my sophomore year (age 16-ish for you non-yanks) which featured Katie as one of the main characters. She didn't remember it, so I found a copy I had saved in my e-mail and we read it aloud together. It made for extremely enjoyable reading. In Katie's words it is "like a really weird mixture of...Twilight and...Agatha Christie." However, bear in mind that comparing my sorry attempt at a murder thriller to Agatha Christie is kind of like comparing a three-year-old plunking away on a piano to, like, say...Beethoven.

I will include an exerpt now for your amusement at my expense:

It was now that she truly wished that she didn’t live alone. She normally avoided relationships, feeling that she didn’t need a man to make her happy, but now she was very much in need of a strong and study husband to make her feel secure. Little did she know that the answer to her query was waiting on her front porch just about to ring the doorbell.

As the bell sounded, Thorpe began his usual barking to notify her that they had company.

“Shh! Thorpe, calm down…,” she consoled her dog, “It’s okay…” She swung the door open halfway and peered up at an amiable police officer, just older than she, standing up straight and tall, looking all business. “Um, Hello officer,” she greeted him, blushing a little and wishing she would have done something with her hair before answering the door. “Can I help you with something?”

“Actually Miss, you could. I’m from the Crime Scene Investigation Unit here in town. We have several sources that point straight to your residence as the hide out for an armed and very dangerous killer. May I please inspect your home? That is…if you don’t mind of course.” His voice was soothing, creamy. It had a certain quality to it that sounded cultured and gave him a proper tone that suggested a slight European accent. Something about the way he spoke made her like him the moment she met him, but no matter how kindhearted and smooth the words came out, they still stuck in her head and registered fear and coldness.

“Oh, of course I don’t mind! I would really prefer it if you took a look around, to tell you the truth.” She had a way of keeping her voice completely calm and under control even though on the inside she was completely shocked, panicky, and having a nervous breakdown.

He stepped inside and began his investigation. She noticed that even his stride was distinguished. Why on Earth did he become a police officer? He should be a lawyer or professor or leader of a big firm, she thought. What she didn’t know was that he wasn’t a police officer. He was playing a double role in coming here.

This chunk is a good example of what the entire story is like. It's completely ridiculous. Katie and I were excessively diverted by this crap-writing. If you were entertained by it even a tenth of the amount that we were I have fulfilled my purpose in this blog post. I'm glad that the paper I actually ended up turning in for this assignment was significantly better--and that my teacher encouraged me to go in a different direction and use a true story from my life instead.

It's funny how perspective changes; I remember writing this story and thinking it was dang good stuff. How very wrong I was! Now it's only purpose is to perpetually engage all those who read it, not on its merit as a chilling tale, but rather, its merit as poorly-written rubbish and its nostalgic value. But, as a wise man once said, "We never write as well as we think we do in high school!" (Winkeljohn)

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:

encapsulate (v): to make concise; condense.

Random Movie Quote for Your Entertainment:

"You can't just ask someone why they're white!"

--Gretchen Weiners in Mean Girls

My Wrath is Swift and Terrible

I didn't know what to write about today, and I wanted to do something special for the last day of BEDA...I've decided (since I don't have a whole lot of time left today in which to blog--this is because I've been so busy today; I had Doctor Who to watch!) to take one of Maureen Johnson's suggestions on what to blog about on this last day as we run out of ideas. I'm choosing option 5 (I think?) which was to write an angry complaint letter to something in your life that hasn't been working properly and tell it off.

Here goes. I am now flexing my flamer muscles in my fingers. You do not want to be on the receiving end of my Wrath.

Dear Old Computer,

Remember back in the good old days when you fooled me into thinking you were awesome? We used to have fun together; I would sit in front of you and we'd play games: minesweeper, jezzball, solitaire, you name it. We were pretty good buddies, you and I. Back then you were dependable. You were always there for me.

But then you changed.

You became distant. You began shutting me out (of programs, of the internet, of you life). And who could forget that time you mysteriously lost and then deleted EVERY FILE IN MY VERY EXTENSIVE ITUNES LIBRARY?!!!! I don't believe I can ever forgive you for that. And then there was that last week we were together when you got even worse. You stopped working altogether; you completely crashed and left me all alone.

I'm not writing you this letter to get an apology. (You're too proud for that...and also...um...I'm not sure it's within your computer-y capabilities to respond to this in any way that I could comprehend because you are a TOOL. That's it. You're nothing without a person controlling you. You are worthless!!!) I'm just writing to tell you that I've moved on. You no longer have any effect over my life; I'm through being stung by your thoughtlessness and disregard for my every happiness.

Yes. There's someone else: a shiny, new model that is more than I could ever have hoped for--better than YOU ever were. And we're happy together.

So you can think of that as you rot in your fragmented brokeness, the pieces of your shattered moniter mingling with the pieces of your shattered hard drive and the pieces of your shattered soul. And you know how shattered souls never work out, right? You saw how well that turned out for Tom Riddle. And in this situation, you are the Tom Riddle. I am the Harry Potter. I have risen victorious, and there's nothing you can do to change that.

I hope the remainder of your life is miserable and full of crap.

Sincerely,

Kiera

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
vengeance (n): the return of an injury for an injury, as in retribution or revenge

Random Movie Quote for Your Entertainment:
"Gee, I'm really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky. The doctor said she'd be okay, though; she'll just have to stay away from spicy foods for a while."
-Lane Meyer in Better Off Dead