Self-Narrative

Hey people. It's been quite some time. And I'm sorry this isn't a real blogpost, but a copy of my final paper for my Non-Fiction class. I'm supposed to write a short autobiographical piece of writing for part one of this assignment. Part two is for me to take a step back from it and analyze it for themes and such as if I were an unconnected third party. Here's where you come in: I would love you forever if you would read through this and give me your general impressions so I know what an outside third party is actually thinking as they read this. I've already written a rough draft of my critical analysis, but I could tweak it or even this original short story thing based on your thoughtful responses. Thanks in advance if you decide to help me out with this! And without further ado, I give you...

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SCHRODINGER'S CHIPMUNK

"Hmm..." mused Jarin, "I wonder if we could trap it with a marshmallow..." He bent over the pile of sticks and rocks we'd collected in the last twenty minutes, his young face scrunched up in concentration.

Wiping my dirt-covered hands on my worn-out overalls, I suggested that a s'more would probably be better in case it was picky and didn't like marshmallows plain; I knew I didn't. "If it's got chocolate and graham crackers and marshmallows, there's no way it won't want some," I added matter-of-factly.

We agreed that we'd sneak an extra s'more away with us from the campfire later that night and went to work assembling our trap.

It was an annual tradition in our extended family to go on one big camping trip together in the middle of the Summer. For the past several camp-outs my cousins and I had turned making chipmunk traps into something of a ritual, as well. In the back of our minds I think we always knew we wouldn't actually catch anything. Our traps were handmade, wholly unreliable, and not very stable. They had very little real logic behind them. We didn't care; it was just something we did to do something. It made us feel adventurous. Like we could go out and become Daniel Boone.

The color of our hands progressed to increasingly darkening shades of brown and gray as we strategically stacked stones on top of each other and used sticks to line the inside of our structure for support. After about an hour and much trial and error, we had what looked like a miniature stone hut, complete with a smooth rock roof concealed by dead leaves. The finishing touch was a tiny trapdoor at the front so we could slip the pilfered s'more inside as bait.

As we sat testing it out in our isolated corner of the campsite, Brooke meandered over to us. "Hey, Brooke!" we greeted her warmly, eager to show her how good our trap was this time and have her admire our handiwork.

Peering down at us, she crossed her arms and looked skeptical. "What are you guys doing?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

We glanced back up at her, slightly crestfallen and somewhat confused. "Brooke...you know what we're doing..." I said tentatively. Up until this year she'd always helped us with this project. As the oldest grandchild in our family, she had been the leader: the one who had started this whole trapping thing in the first place. Now at the wizened age of 10, she seemed to have lost interest in it altogether. Previous years, Jarin and I had always just followed her lead because we looked up to her. This year we were leading ourselves.

Rolling her eyes and shaking her head, she responded, "Of course I know what you're doing--but why?!" She sounded exasperated. Irritated.

"Maybe we'll catch something this ti--" Jarin began. But Brooke cut him off before he could finish.

"You're not going to catch anything. It never works." She walked away haughtily to do whatever it was that she thought was so much cooler than us or our project.

I tried not to look or feel disappointed as I watched her go. Turning to Jarin, I smiled wildly and exclaimed, "This time it will."

"Yeah," he said, returning my pre-braces, crooked grin. "This time we'll catch something."

After dinner, with s'more bait in place, we went to bed hardly able to wait until morning when we could check our trap. Undeterred by past experience, we were just as confident and hopeful as always that our trap would work and we'd have a pet chipmunk for the remainder of camp. As I tossed and turned in my sleeping bag, trying to fall asleep to the rhythmic sounds of my dad snoring and the rushing water of the creek near our tent, it felt like tomorrow would never come.

When it finally did, the kids--as usual--were up before the parents. Jarin and I found each other as quickly as we could so we could check our trap together. "Do you think--?" I half asked him with bare enthusiasm.

"I don't know--let's go find out!" he answered back hopefully. Both of our voices were dry and crackly from having just woken up, but unmistakably laced with excitement like on Christmas morning.

We raced each other to our little stone trap and were surprised to find Brooke already there, standing beside it. We stopped in our tracks, not sure what to make of it. We stared at her. She stared back, looking smug.

We nodded uncertainly at her, and Jarin spoke quickly to no one in particular, "C'mon! Let's see what's in there!" He started to move towards the trap but didn't quite make it before Brooke blew:

"This is so stupid," she said angrily. Her voice rose to a volume kind of shocking for that early in the morning. "There is not going to be anything in there!" On this last heightened note, she dramatically swung her foot back behind her and kicked over our primitive little construction, blasting it apart. It separated back into it's composite parts at an astonishing speed.

But amid the dead rocks and sticks and leaves and dirt, all three of us saw something small--something living--dart away and disappear into the trees behind us. We could read in each other's puzzled faces that yes, we had finally caught our chipmunk. And because of Brooke it had gotten away.

After the initial shock had worn off, Jarin and I glared at Brooke, unable to believe that we'd finally succeeded only to have her literally tear apart all of our hard work. We were left with the scattered remnants of the only trap that had ever worked and had to content ourselves with the guilt and bragging rights we could hold over Brooke's head for the remainder of the trip. We never did catch another chipmunk.

Half Cray-Cray, Half Philosophical

SERIOUSLY?! The last post I made was IN OCTOBER?! That is absolutely unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE, I SAY! I'll understand if none of you ever want to speak to me EVER AGAIN. Or...leave me comments or whatever...just sayin'. This blog has been so neglected.

But NO MORE. I am here to save the day and to attack you with useless information! Dun-dun-dun-dun! (That? Oh...that's just my hero music.)

Honestly, what is this blog without me writing in it? It's like...a play without a leading lady. Or a ship without a captain. Or a quidditch team with no seeker. Or...like a week that's only Mondays; only ice cream--never sundaes; like a circle with no center; like a door marked, "DO NOT ENTER." Darling, I'll be yours forever 'cause I never wanna be without lo-o-o-o-o-ve, so baby never set me free. Or something. (Clearly my lengthy absence hasn't addled with my propensity to random lyric quoting without warning. Good to know.)

So now that I'm here and you're here, you probably want me to actually write about something, huh?--Crap. I hadn't foreseen this...you know, earlier when I was consulting my crystal ball and reading tarot cards...How's about I rationalize why I seem so cray-cray?

REASONS WHY KIERA SEEMS CRAY-CRAY (FOR TODAY)

• As you may or may not know, I have returned to The Institution of Cognitive Chaos. On the surface (and based on context clues) that may sound like I'm talking about a mental institution, which isn't too far from the truth: I am back at uni. (I know "uni" is a British/Australian term, but I don't care. I'm using it. TAKE THAT. It's cooler than "college" or "school", okay. Just admit it already.)
• Being back in classes is messing with my brain. It has to work so much harder now than when I was just working. Seriously, my cognitive exercise routine is so rigorous that I'm actually burning TONS OF CALORIES thinking. I get ravenously hungry SO OFTEN lately because my brain needs more fuel just to keep going!
• I just barely got back from work, finished two annotations on scholarly journal articles, AND filled out an intense psychology study guide, so I need to release my creative energy that I had to hold back all day in order to sound ultra-professional and straightforward and all that scholarly poop. (You see that? Poop. That is what work and homework-filled days reduce me to: joy at using immature words in leisurely writing. Yep. Really.)

So...such is life at the moment. And in all sincerity, I am actually enjoying being back in school. (It's really busy and FRYING my brain and making my social life dangerously approach the brink of extinction, but I love learning things everyday.) My classes--for the most part--are very interesting and full of insightful discussions that keep my brain occupied long after class ends. It also helps that we cover different aspects of related themes in each of my classes because I get perspectives and input from not only different classmates, but also different professors. It's kind of awesome.

One of the things that keeps coming back is different theories of self and how each person's actions, behavior, looks, etc. are really just a representation of their inner self. (Naturally what keeps running through my brain during these discussions is Paper Towns. Paper Towns. Paper Towns. Great Gatsby. Paper Towns.) We've hit upon this topic particularly in my Studies in Non-Fiction Prose class and my Literary and Cultural Theory class, and I keep making connections from that to the complex nature of the brain which we keep studying in my Cognitive Psychology class. This stuff is mind-boggling to me and constantly reminds me to take no one as just a surface--humanity is insanely complicated and intricate.

I don't want you to feel like you're reading an essay here, and I don't want to feel like I'm writing one, but I seriously find this concept fascinating and inarguably true. Which is a perfect segway into what I want you guys to do: leave me a comment that allows me to "imagine you more complexly." It doesn't have to be deep or life-changing or anything; just tell me something about you that I probably don't know yet. I'm really looking forward to your responses!

And with that, I depart!!! Dun-dun-dun-dun! (<--hero exit music)

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
repurple (v) to make purple again; to become purple again. (I KID YOU NOT, FAITHFUL BLOG READERS. THAT IS SERIOUSLY A REAL WORD IN THE OED. HILARIOUS. MUST BEGIN USING IN DAILY LIFE.)

Random Movie Quote for Your Entertainment:
"Four for you, Glenn Coco! You go, Glenn Coco!"
--Damien dressed as Santa in Mean Girls

Do I really have to respect ALL my elders?!

Hello loyal blog readers! It's been a disgustingly long time since I've blogged. I know when it's been too long since I've blogged by a few signs: 1. When my offline friends start reminding me persistently that I haven't posted anything new and are clamoring for another entry (special shout-out to Erica and Lisa who like to read my blog sometimes: Hey girls, sup yo?!), 2. When I haven't signed in to blogger for so long that I can't remember my username and password, and 3. When I feel super rusty EVEN AS I AM TYPING THIS.

Today's topic? Old people. (This is for you, Erica!)

In our society it is blatantly emphasized that we should revere old people and treat them with the utmost respect, seemingly just because they are, in fact, old. I guess this is because of the general assumption that their advanced years must have made them very wise and knowledgeable. Come to think of it, the only old people I've noticed who aren't given the automatic "Respect the Elderly Code of Conduct" treatment are those who are homeless drunks. Every other type of old person has free reign in the department of etiquette, decorum, and respect. What is not so often conceded is the fact that some of those old people, in their younger years, had to have been--quite frankly--complete idiots. My logic is as follows:

I see absolute morons around me somewhat frequently--in fact, I daresay on a daily basis. I'd be willing to bet that something like 30% of the people my age are idiots. And guess what: one day those idiots are going to be old, and some poor future generation is going to be forced to treat them as wise sages of infinite knowledge and ability, despite their continued immaturity and stupidity.

That's right--that idiot that just cut you off in traffic is going to be treated as if he were Confucius in a mere fifty years or so. And that teenager who just keyed someone's car in the parking lot for fun? Yep. The children of the future are going to be expected to look up to him as they would Atticus Finch or Mr. Miyagi, were they non-fictional. And that girl that just fervently prayed during her history test that she was right--that Benjamin Franklin was indeed the first president of the United States?! Well, she'll be seen as a regular Grandmother Willow as soon as she crosses over into senior citizen land.

I've known plenty of peers in my day who I simply can't imagine being revered by a later generation. Take for example the case of Dummy McIdiotpants* who attended high school with me: Dummy McIdiotpants thought he was all that and a bag of potato chips. Dummy McIdiotpants rarely, if ever, attended classes--and when he did, he was a massive disruption to everyone around him. Dummy McIdiotpants was evidently operating under the delusion that every time he said a swear word, made an inappropriate comment, refused to participate in class, talked back to the teacher, told a fart joke, or was sent to the principal's office/in-school suspension, he would be rewarded with a one hundred dollar bill. I say this because Dummy McIdiotpants did these things and more with so much fervor and persistence that it was almost as if he were being bribed to act out. And yet, someday I just know some child's parent is going to say, "Billy, you need to show respect to Mr. McIdiotpants. He's a very wise old man and has experienced many things in his life. You could learn a lot from him." Yeah. Like how to make meth in the comfort of your very own garage without getting caught!

Now, I'm not saying that all old people are idiots who don't deserve our respect. I'm not saying that AT ALL. I'm just saying we shouldn't completely rule out the possibility that someone much older than ourselves could be every bit as much of a screwball as Dummy McIdiotpants...or Dingbat Stupidsen, your delinquent next door neighbor. Likewise, lots of really great teenagers get short changed; they don't get nearly as much trust or credit as they deserve merely because they belong to a category of individuals seen as being out-of-hand and destructive. I've come to the conclusion that we should take each person we come into contact with as being exactly that: a person; a person who should be given respect, merit, and reverence based on his behavior, character, and action--not his age and the not-so-accurate stereotypes that accompany it.

*Names have been changed to protect the inescapably idiotic.

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
porphyrophobia (n): A persistent, abnormal, unwarranted fear of the color purple.

Random Movie Quote for Your Entertainment:
"How long have you been seventeen?"
"A while."
--Bella Swan and Edward Cullen in Twilight.

When No One Is Looking

Hey, hey, hey! :)

Once again--as usual when I sit down to blog--I do not have a planned out topic. Basically, I'm blogging because I was hanging out with my lovely group of friends last night and Erica (who I've mentioned before as my hot dog-selling buddy when we were kids) mentioned that she'd checked on my blog, hoping to find some entertainment, and was disappointed to see I hadn't posted anything new. SORRY, ERICA!

So here I am.

Today's topic is what I do when no one is looking!

Now, there are various types of people in the world: there are those who need people around them ALL THE TIME, there are those who prefer to be alone ALL THE TIME, and all sorts of people in between the two. I am a person who appreciates spending time with others, but still very much values her alone time. I honestly think I could go longer without seeing any other human beings than I could without having a moment to myself. (Not that I don't love having friends and stuff, I'm just saying I need sufficient time to myself to do with what I will.)

So, if you're a person that likes having people around all the time, allow me to give you some suggestions of things you can do in your alone time. Here's how I spend mine:

*Do something that is socially unacceptable.

• Crank up the most embarrassing music you own and blast it through your whole house. (For me this would probably be Miley Cyrus music, the first Britney Spears CD, or the Boy Band albums I still own, originally purchased when I was in 5th grade.) Dance around to it--be sure that the dance moves are tragically awkward and quite possibly unflattering. In fact, it's all the better if they ARE unflattering; NO ONE CAN SEE YOU!
• Talk to yourself in a fake accent. You can even make one up if you want.
  
• Dress up in something horrendous and put on some dreadful make up. Do your hair to match/clash.
• Sing along to a song that's WAAAAAAY out of your vocal range at the top of your lungs. (For guys, perhaps some Mariah Carey or Whitney Huston? For girls, Barry White anyone?)
• Watch T.V. shows that you would never watch were others present--spanish soap operas (if you don't speak spanish), children's tv (if you're not a child), and trashy reality shows all fall into this category.

*Do something relaxing/creative that requires quiet time.

• Read a book you've been wanting to read.
• Write something. (A story, a poem, a journal entry, whatever)
• Make something artsy--draw/paint whatever you're feeling like you used to when you were little and you didn't care what other people thought about your picture.
• Write a song whether or not you think you are musical. If it's bad, no one needs to hear it.
• Play a musical instrument.
  

I was planning on thinking of more things, but then I realized that pretty much everything I do when I'm alone falls into one of those two categories!

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
inculcate (v): to implant by repeated statement or admonition; teach persistently and earnestly. Random Song Lyric Quote for Your Entertainment:
"Sometimes I get so weird I even freak myself out."
~Avril Lavigne, Anything But Ordinary

That's right: I AM an expert.

Hey guys. I feel like it's been ages since I've posted a blog, and that's probably because it has been. Every time I try to sit down and blog I can't think of any good topics...sheesh. I could always tell you about my reactions to Half Blood Prince, but I've read SO many of those blogs lately and just about everything has been said that I would want to say.

But FEAR NOT! I have a plan: I asked my twitter followers (some of whom are also you loyal blog readers) for topics. RANDOM SIDENOTE: I love how everyone just uses twitter like it's some clingy, desperate friend who never has anything better to do than help them with stuff--this "stuff" can range from clothing choices to blog topics to movie recommendations and polls on "should I do THIS or THIS?". It's a funny ol' world we live in nowadays, innit?

Anyways, Beth (easavoy/bethsavoy) gave me a couple of good ideas, one of which I will use in this blog:



Thanks for reminding me about that, Beth! (And I mean for reminding me about the fact that I'm an "mp3 expert" at work, but I'm also happy about the new Demi Lovato album coming out! I like everything Disney channel related far too much for my own good. Yes, I know its target audience is pre-teens. Yes, I know it's really cheesy. Sue me.)

The phenomenon to which Beth is refering:

At my job (the one at the Credit Union) I am apparently the expert on music. I guess it's just because I bring my 80GB Video iPod to work every day. Today one of my co-workers (who is, ironically, the ACTUAL technology expert at the Credit Union...like...it's his job--he's the tech guy) randomly walked into my office, leaned against my desk and stated, "Hey Kiera. I have a question that I think you can answer since you're the mp3 expert."

"I'm the mp3 expert?" I asked, slightly surprised.

"Well yeah," he answered with a shoulder shrug while another co-worker nodded. As I let that sink in, I started anticipating the type of question he might ask; I was thinking he was going to ask me about making files into the proper format for iTunes or something. Instead he surprised me again with this: "Okay. So I've got this Hawaiin song on my computer that we're going to play at the Luau tonight--it sounds JUST like this one other song that's really popular right now. It's driving me crazy because I can't place it. I think you'll probably know it though. You need to come listen to it."

So I followed him into his office and he brought up the music file. It was on some Hawaiin-esque CD for white people to use when they pretend to be Hawaiin at Luaus. The song he played me was a rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" played on the ukulele. As it began I timidly asked, "Does it remind you of that one that's like, 'Well, you done done me in you bet I felt it...'?"

"YES!" He shouted joyfully, making me jump. "THAT'S THE SONG! WHAT SONG IS THAT? WHO SINGS IT?"

After marveling at the fact that he didn't know, I answered, "Oh it's Jason Mraz. 'I'm Yours.'"

"AHA!" he proclaimed while triumphantly pressing the pause button, "I KNEW you would know the answer. Thanks, Kiera."

It was at this point that I returned to my own office, laughing to myself, and did what any other normal person would in this situation--I inconspicuously tweeted from my cell phone at my desk. Tweet-worthy moments are the ones that I live for. Haha.

At another time I'll have to expound on other such instances, for there are many--I seem to be the expert on a wide variety of things at both my jobs because I'm alternately known as "the mp3 expert", "the YouTube expert", "the Twitter expert", "the movie expert", "the book expert", "the Harry Potter expert", and "the English expert", depending on what question someone needs answering. (RANDOM SIDENOTE 2: I just realized that "expert" is one of those words that looks like it's spelled wrong or sounds weird when you think about it too much/use it too many times in one sentence.)

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
heinous (adj.): outrageously evil.

Random TV Quote for Your Entertainment:
"George Michael, I'm going to be better about listening to what you're saying from now on; I'm not just going to hear what I want to hear, okay?"
"Okay, Dad...I love my cousin."
"I love you too, son."
--Michael Bluth in Season 3 of "Arrested Development"

My Great Dislike of Theme Parks

I'm going to Lagoon (an amusement park in Farmington, Utah) with my family on Friday.

I have a shocking announcement to make: I do not like amusement/theme parks (althoughI'm sure I'll make an exception for the Harry Potter one when it opens).

Now, you may be thinking, "WHAT?! KIERA, ARE YOU INSANE?! YOU DO NOT LIKE THEME PARKS???!!!1!11?" Which is a valid question; I mean, how could one NOT like a theme park? What with all the rides expertly designed to twist your stomach into a pretzel, melt your brain into a giant vat of migraine, and give you a serious case of whiplash; the continual awkward sightings of wonderful, tattoo-covered, sketchy and unattractive-looking couples making out passionately in front of you in line for those rides; the over-priced food that tastes like straight grease; the tightly-wound workers who tell you that basically, you are not allowed to do anything except breath quietly and blink while on the rides; the water rides in which you get covered in the same "water" that's been poured all over other people in the park throughout the day, mixing with their sweat and possibly saliva, dripping back out of their filthy hair and the creases of their pants and their shoes; the bathrooms that seem to repel all forms of cleaner and are full of unflushed toilets... Honestly, when you consider all of these amazing benefits of a day in a theme park, it just makes you antsy to get to one doesn't it?

Hmm...that's strange: it sort of seems like everything I just mentioned is actually stuff that sucks about theme parks...interesting.

Seriously, I can list the things I like about going to amusement parks (in this case, Lagoon) on one hand:

1. Dippin' Dots, the most amazing ice cream-like dish in the world.


2. The Rocket, one of the few rides I can enjoy without feeling dag-nasty afterwards.


3. The cheesy Broadway entertainment.

4. How hilariously unrealistic the ride"Dracula's Castle" is and the fact that it used to scare me as a child. Lagoon's website describes this ride as, "a classic dark ride, carrying guests through darkened hallways, with apparitions and suprises around every corner." Mwahahahahaha. These apparitions look like paper mache and have been there since the dawn of time.

5. People watching. If you ever think your family is the only weird one in the world, you have only to go to an amusement park or county/state fair.

There you go. So needless to say, I am not super thrilled for Friday...I'd even go as far as to say I'd rather just go to work as usual and GET PAID to do something that I don't exactly find enthralling. Oh well, it's life I guess...plus the weird people that I sometimes suspect aren't people at all will make it an interesting day, to be sure. And I'll get to eat Dippin' Dots, which are worth all amounts of suffering.

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day:
globule (n.): a tiny drop of liquid.

Random Movie Quote for Your Entertainment:
"Maria was married on Saturday. In all important preparations of mind she was complete, being prepared for matrimony by a hatred of home, by the misery of disappointed affection, and contempt of the man she was to marry. The bride was elegantly dressed and the two bridesmaids were duly inferior. Her mother stood with salts, expecting to be agitated, and her aunt tried to cry. Marriage is indeed a maneuvering business."
--Fanny Price in "Mansfield Park"

Random Collection of Thoughts

Hey there, blog readers. Today's entry is--once again!--highly unplanned. To tell you the truth I'm mostly just writing it so that you guys will see my sweet new blog layout! I changed it for Summer, and I basically think it looks like happiness personified...blogified?...whatever.

In order for this to be a blog I suppose I must say some things now besides just that I admire my own blog layout, so here is a random collection of thoughts for the day:

• I work both of my jobs on Mondays with one hour in between the two to quickly down a no-name brand SlimFast and run any necessary errands; today that one hour was very promising: I checked the mail to find an adorable package from EMILY! (aka Mango/Wednesday/emlove143) It was a really cute assortment of summer things (bubbles, frisbees, etc.) and a sweet note. <3>
• And speaking of unpredictable--haha--I impulsively purchased some super exciting bright shades of nail polish today which will probably make me feel adventurous when I wear them, even if I'm just sitting at home reading a book.
• And speaking of reading, I'm currently reading the second volume of Octavian Nothing which is taking me ages to get through but is a really good book. Historical fiction is enjoyable AND educational! Woohoo! It's really got me thinking about how far Civil Rights have come today and how badly it would suck to be a slave. I've come to appreciate freedom to a greater extent than before through reading this book; it's a gift just to be able to get to choose your own work and get paid for it...and yet we constantly find ourselves complaining about our jobs...silly spoiled modern day people! (including me.)
  
• And speaking of silly modern day people, have you ever noticed how hilarious make-up tutorials are on YouTube? The girls who do them crack me up with their little mousy voices and technical terms that go on for what seems like forever, but is actually only about eight minutes. I don't mean to be rude to them--I'm sure they are very nice people and their videos are frequently put to good use by their viewers--but the video format that they all seem to prefer just cracks me up. Just once I want to see a girl make one that's only a couple minutes long and has a script like this: "Okay guys, so what you're going to do is grab one of these doo-hickies with the thing on the end, cover it in some of this crap, and stick it on your eyeball. [jump cut] Now put some of this gunk over it like this. [jump cut] Ta-da! Now you look like a rockstar! The end!" That would be awesome. Maybe I should make a faux-tutorial video like that for entertainment purposes...hmmm...*muses over the possibilities*

So there's your daily dose of random! YAY!

Also, question for the comments (which I have a legitimate reason for asking): What is the worst movie you've ever seen?

Under-Appreciated Vocabulary Word of the Day: (I swear I'm not making this word up)
frabjous (adj): splendid; fine. (And as an added tidbit of fun fact, this word was coined by Lewis Carroll. Yay! He's so frabjous...)

Random Movie (...er...TV) Quote for Your Entertainment:
"It's not a bad thing to want a real life, Will! And to have a glue gun that WORKS!!!"
--Terri Shewster in Glee